


Light

by bri_ness



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up, There's some sweetness in here too I promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-12 11:54:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16872477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bri_ness/pseuds/bri_ness
Summary: It’s a habit Even should break.He knows that, the same way he knows that he shouldn’t smoke, that he needs to leave earlier to get to work on time, that a bowl of caramel and cardamom popcorn doesn’t qualify as dinner. He has never claimed to be a perfect person.Even lays a beach towel down on the small patch of grass beside his apartment building’s parking lot, right beside the dumpster. He knows romance can thrive in spite of its setting.He looks at the stars, and he remembers.





	Light

**Author's Note:**

> This one's for the stars/stargazing prompt. Enjoy!

It’s a habit Even should break.

He knows that, the same way he knows that he shouldn’t smoke, that he needs to leave earlier to get to work on time, that a bowl of caramel and cardamom popcorn doesn’t qualify as dinner. He has never claimed to be a perfect person.

Even lays a beach towel down on the small patch of grass beside his apartment building’s parking lot, right beside the dumpster. He knows romance can thrive in spite of its setting.

He looks at the stars, and he remembers.

\---

Isak always took great care not to wake Even up when he couldn’t sleep, but he was spectacularly bad at it.

His caution was louder than any stomping or slamming doors could be: it was like Even could sense his apprehension and insecurity, the care in his movement.

When Even told him this upon waking to find him with a beach towel under his arm, Isak rolled his eyes and said, “You just heard me curse when I walked into the bed.”

Which was also true. “Feel like a swim?” Even asked, eyebrows raised and grinning: Isak called it his ultimate flirting face, and was furious if Even directed it at anyone but him.

Isak blushed, and Even wondered what about himself needed to change so Isak wouldn’t be nervous around him. “Uh, I was going to look at the stars?” When Even didn't respond within a millisecond, Isak quickly added, “It’s just this stupid thing I do when I can’t sleep."

“That’s not stupid. It sounds nice.”

“Oh.”

“Can I join you?”

Isak smiled, prompting Even to do the same. “Yeah, of course.”

Their apartment then didn’t have any green space, a real paved-paradise-and-put-up-a-parking lot scenario. So, Isak laid the beach towel in the corner of the parking lot, all the while explaining, “There usually aren’t any cars this late, but yeah. If you see lights or something…move.”

“Good tip.”

As they laid down, Even remembered that concrete is uncomfortable, but cuddling up to Isak quickly made him forget about that. He waited for Isak to launch into astronomy Even wouldn’t even pretend to understand, instead admiring the way Isak’s voice got stronger when he talked about his passions, like he was delivering a TED Talk.

Instead, Isak was quiet, lazily playing with Even’s hand as he looked at the stars.

“Aren’t you going to point out the constellations?” Even asked. “Isn’t that one of the benefits of dating a genius? Getting seduced by science?”

“Oh,” Isak said after a beat. “That’s not really why I do this.”

Even waited for Isak to explain. Sometimes he just needed time.

“It’s more like,” Isak began, only to take another pause. “Like, back when I was at home, things felt so dark when I couldn’t sleep. And before you make the joke, not just because it was night out. It wouldn’t even be that funny of a joke, so congratulations, I saved your pride.”

“I appreciate that.” Even would’ve made the joke. Jokes always made these kinds of conversations easier for Isak.

“I don’t know how to explain it,” Isak continued. “But it was like my brain was dark? I couldn’t even understand my own thoughts enough to do anything about them. So, I’d come outside for some light.”

Isak paused then, taking a moment to look at Even in a way he was still getting used to. “What is it?” Even asked.

“I don’t think I need to do this anymore,” Isak said. “Because before, it was like I needed to see the stars to remember light existed.”

“And now?”

“And now, I have you.”

\---

Even still considers that the best thing anyone’s ever said to him. All he’s ever wanted is to bring light, but he’s always carried more darkness than he knew how to contain.

He’s worried he’s dimmed Isak.

His therapist said when he dwells on those thoughts, he gives them power, convinces his brain that he needs to worry about them. “Not that you’re perfect, Even,” he continued with a smile. “Or that you shouldn’t feel remorseful over hurting others. But, you can also consider how you made Isak better.”

For each star in the sky, Even sees a different facet of Isak’s light.

His sweetness, which he stopped trying to hide.

His humour, which made Even laugh in a way he didn’t realize he could.

His creativity, which he never recognized in himself, but Even saw in the way he appreciated music, his theories about the universe, the romantic gifts he gave.

His anger, which gave Even permission to feel his own.

His strength, which anchored Even, and maybe that was unfair.     

Even decides to be unfair again. He has never claimed to be perfect.

Isak’s still saved as _Man of My Life_ in his phone because, well, Even’s not ready to imagine there’ll be anyone else.

_Hi Isak. I’m sorry that I’m texting you, and if you want me to stop, I promise I will. But I’m looking at the stars now, thinking of you. You will always be the brightest thing in the universe to me. Love, Even._

Even puts his phone down and leans back, gazing at the stars, remembering there are still other sources of light in the world.

Then, his phone lights up. 


End file.
